shit happens

OHMYGODDD...it has been ages since i blogged....i don't really know what to say....so... i will start with my unwanted shocking experience in Langkawi....

on the 27th of December 2008...my uncle, aunt, both my grandparents and myself went to langkawi. we left at around 12.30am on Saturday morning. it was this tnb family day trip thinggy... so the bus arrived n picked a whole bunch of us from the tnb tr headquarters. before we left...i had this funnyy feeling..and i didnt want to go on that trip. i asked mom to take my place but somehow they all persuaded me to go....so i went, although i wasn't really into it. i couldn't really sleep on the bus cause i have this fear about buses =.= anyway, we arrived in kuala perlis at around 5.30am...
we had the 8am tickets to langkawi via the ferry..... all of us were very tired so we dozed off in the ferry. i was sitting next to my aunt in the ferry....she was apparently very tired/unwell but you know me...being the blind ignorant bat that i am, i didn't notice anything wrong with her. we arrived in langkawi at about 9 something am....we got our luggages and were heading out...when my grandma was forcing me to take pictures. so i snapped 3 pictures...then we headed out of the jetty. we were waiting for the tour bus, when my aunt sat down n told us that she was feeling all dizzy... we gave her cakes and drink cause we assumed the dizzy spells were due to her empty stomach. and thats when it just happened. she was sitting at the edge of a window sill, and she just fell off...everybody was squatting down and helping her...i was the only idiot standing there doing nothing. i was too shocked too move. that was her 1st attack...heart attack...she had difficulty breathing...her eyes were rolled up...she stuck out her tongue. she was actually GONE briefly...she had closed her eyes...stopped breathing...and lay limp...my uncle was frantically calling out to her...he tried giving her cpr...but nothing happened...he started hitting her chest really hard for a few seconds and she finally opened her eyes....we were all so relieved then....she was still slightly fainty and all...the ambulance finally arrived. the doctor was checking her blood glucose level as she was diabetic...at that time, none of us knew she suffered a heart attack. we just thought she had passed out. she was rushed to the hospital...my uncle followed her. my grandparents and i got onto the bus to get on with our supposed tour as we didnt think anything was seriously wrong with my aunt. so we went to this place where they produce gamat stuff...
then after that we headed on to underwater world langkawi...but we weren't all that excited about visiting water life so instead we shopped for chocolates and baileys at coco valley.
then when we were back on the bus my uncle called me to inform us that my aunt had actually suffered a severe heart attack...my grandparents along with two other people had hired a taxi to the langkawi hospital. i had to stay behind in the bus as i was responsible for all our luggages. next we headed on to some burnt rice field or something like that....after that i got a call from my mom all the way from ipoh informing me that my aunt had passed away. she had her 2nd attack at the hospital and the doctors were unable to help her because apparently her heart was already very weak. it was very shocking, sad and depressing. we didn't see that coming. the bus driver drove us to the hospital after we got that news. at the hospital my uncle had made arrangements for us to bring the body back to ipoh that very same day. we had a van take us n my aunts coffin to the jetty. the ferry wouldn't transport just the 4 of us and the coffin. even if we could have taken the ferry, it would have cost a bomb. so at the jetty we loaded our bags and ourselves + the coffin onto a fishing boat. the boat from langkawi to the mainland took more than 2 hours. we left at about 6.30pm and only reached kuala perlis at around 8.45pm. there was another van already waiting to take all of us back to ipoh (the van from langkawi to the jetty + the boat from the langkawi jetty to kuala perlis + the van from kuala perlis to ipoh cost us RM 3990). we reached ipoh at around 2am on sunday morning (28th dec). my parents had already taken care of everything in ipoh....the tent, informing relatives, money...etc.....it was a very sad/tiring day for all of us. i don't know why i had to go through all of that. why was i put into that situation? was god trying to teach me something? i really don't know. it was one hell of a fucked up experience. not only for me but for my grandparents who don't need these kinda of shocking incidents at their age and also my uncle. besides anger and frustration, i am feeling a lot of different things that i don't know how to explain about. why did this happen? i still wonder....i know we all HAVE to die some day...but why did she have to die this way?
which fucker said everything happens 4 a reason?????
im still searching the reason for this incident...
may her soul rest in peace.