mr.black+ X = chickenly courage!

this is an intro to my pathetic life......lets start with my parents not giving me the freedom i need at this age. still treating me like a kid. ok , lets leave that aside. im kinda used to staying at home and heck, i like my house...so i guess it's not that bad. but it became bad......when? when my two stupid dumb dumb doiink idiotic shitty irresponsible stOoOoOpid cousins came to stay with us. not for a day or two, but more like 6months or more:(:(:( and the best part, WE do not like that particular 2 cousins...so life is really suckyyyy! to top it all off, my life is even more suckier because i get depressed over this guy! a guy! yes...jan is getting depressed over a GUY!! not that i was depressed over girls before....HAHAHAHA...but my mind was never full of one guy! not that it was filled with different guys before....HAHAHA...ok ok...getting to the pathetic life story, so, this guy, he is in my every thoughts!!!!! i hate that! i see my lap top i think of him. i see my notebook, i think of him. i see anything thats orange, i think of him!! like wtf right? and do u know how many orange things i have in my room....a lot. *sour face* why is god torturing me??? why is this guy torturing me?? what did i do wrong to deserve this?!?!?!?! wtf is wrong with me? lol. jan!!! it's not laughing time!!! it is a sad and depressing time!!!! yes i have spoken to him a couple of times, but the problem really is i don't know what else to say! i am like reaching a dead end here. someone help me! and somehow, beacuse it has been awhile since we last talked, i have lost whatever chickenly courage i had and i just don't have the guts to talk to him. whats wrong with me?? he ain't gonna bite? right? KARUNYA JOANNA DAS!!!!! i may need help from your best friend mr. black!!!! but i still need the X factor? where am i gonna look for it? HELP!!!